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No Longer a Comfortable Environment

So, this is how I feel after I graduated from my 4years study in Bandung.

Feels like an ALIEN.

Yeah, an alien apart from my routinity in this city. This 4 years totally has done something for me and for my life, but in spite of what I have expected that I may want to spend more time here in this city, I'm actually want to move out from this city as soon as possible. But getting home in Jakarta, not being the other choice as well. So , where will I go after I move from this so-all-sudden-boring city?

A friend, I thought the idea of leaving them will actually makes me sad and want to go back to this city as soon as my work time's done by every Monday each week, turns out now I feel so not have anything to do here. The thought of having holiday every week (Tuesday to Thursday) will actually make me feel great having this kind of  -having work but not so much to stress about- life. It doesn't seems like what I have interpreted. I need something more, something new, something exciting to do with this new phase of life.

I can't be still, stuck in this environment where the other still moving so slow and not walking side by side with me. I'm totally driving to some different ways from anyone I know.

It sucks but I know I'll live. This is what I felt 4 years ago, when I just moved in this city, having new exciting way of life, living alone, having stranger passing your life, new firsts experience, and else and else. Yeah, changes, that is what I need to cope with.

Time, is all I need. Adapted to new kinds of thing, understanding the way of changes, be proud of who I am, and living free as I wanted to be.

The path is rough but there is life a head so, I won't hesitate to move on faster than anyone I love back there. They will eventually be there, even slowly, they will catch up if they really meant to be in your life. If they aren't, there is nothing to be sad about, new experience will trade the lost memories and be my new focus in the future.

Hoping for sure.

We grow and start to forget

Last Friday, there was a gathering from my Junior High School. I wasn't too excited to go there but because it held before Cynthia leave the country , again, I was sure I needed to attend it. So I did.

Before I went there, I wasted some times at the Pacific Place Mall because it near the venue where the reunion held, Pad 28 as i recall, i don't actually know the exact name , I only know the 'Pad' thing, not the 28 or what number that is. So , I went to PP mall after work and met with my friend Audi there. We talked much about simple thing and end up with hair style, which actually end up with Audi getting a hair cut the exact same night. We were talking about some edgy short girly style but the hairstylist did some 'I-don't-care-what-you-ask-I-want-to-cut-your-hair-the-way-I-want-it' cut to Audi's hair. So, I guess Audi still doing some adaptation to her new cut.


After companying Audi, I went straight to the cafe, and start to do some socializing with the old friends. Some of them I often seeing but lots of them I really , rarely, met. They were all change, some people turning fat, somepeople turning so slim i just can't realize who they were before they call out their names. And, me.. They really seems to overwhelm with my curly hair, still not so care that much wardrobe and the way I talk, look, and observe seemed not that comfortable for them, but I don't care. There still a few of them attracted to talk to me thou.

Still, I really felt so weird to be among them. So much of things that I don't actually remember were being the topic for our conversation. They can laugh so laud to each other, and I feel like a total stranger, sitting on the corner of the table, eating alone and only listening to their conversation. I really try to join them, but I just can't.

It was sad to feel that way, to people you actually grow old with, but , I know that was my fault, I don't really wanted to remembering my old friends. That is totally my bad.

I realized how precious a memory can be. And it is to late for me to bury some.
We are getting older and getting so much experience in live, but the past was not a thing to be forgotten, it is something to be remember so we know how we build our path to what we are today.

There's a lot of thing I regret in my past, but doesn't mean I don't wan't to know about it. I treasure it. And I will keep my memories alive for now on.