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12.24.2009

i felt insecure to stay alive with no man to depend on. i used to, but not anymore.

i'm not a believer in relationship thingy, but i would like , somehow, to have one.

someone said something that i've already knew

"what are we looking for maybe not what are we needed for"

it is true

i don't know what i needed

i only see what i have figured in my mind.

and it is hard to take it off

re-seeing

well, this is about what i just saw from people i finally meet after months and years haven't reunited.

so, today i went out to meet Cynthia, my bestfriend that lives in Canada for her study. she was home for Christmas, New year, and her birthday in January.

first plan was we, mayu and friends, were going to her house like in the afternoon, but in the morning, she texted me and told me she's going to be out of her house doing stuffs and asked us to meet her up somewhere near where she went. i was free all day so i just waited her to request and pick the place.

hours went by, and finally she asked me out to PIM. i thought it was just going to be me and her time, but i found that Jovinto, and Jordy was already there. friends from the elementary and junior highschool. ow how much i miss'em.

also Brevi came , oh Alex did stop by and chatted for a bit , they were my bestfriends, to bad i can't keep my relation to them, my bad

and so on and on, we chat , laugh like a happy group talking shits and things, memorizing every event happened back there, talk about our life now and then, some talked about their serious relationship with their partners, man, i wonder i still have none, that was sad. haha

and actually, i had a kind of deal with one of them. it was a long story to tell, but yea, i was mean to him and, i never said i'm sorry for what i've done to him. it hurts to remember and thinking from his side of view. i was a bad person back then. ( and actually i did it several times)
so, it might be my karma

and from what i have seen, i realized. man, i wasted a lot of good guys.
i can see how they've become an attractive one, with their own girls, which if i'm not that bad, that cruel, i might be one of them. i might have that sweet lovers, hugging, loving and caring with that huge love they have. but unfortunately, i am what i am, i guess it wont work that well for me.

what makes me regret not having him as mine was, he was totally turning to my type.
he's tall
he's white
he plays instrument
he sings
he has a good style
he's Javanese
he's a long dark hair ( wavy one )
and he's a Catholic

but still. he was not what i need for

Good Lord, hand me one, please

and so, the time passed by, we have to say good night to each other
its a hard time to go when you feel a great time , while you have it like once in a month

well, we will meet eventually , in a short ways, it still a holiday thou

Happy holiday everyone, may you guys have a good memories in this holly jolly days