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5.20.2011

something happened days ago , i don't want to talk about it because i really don't mend it.
anyways, what i was trying to tell is about what happen after i got struck by that thing. total disaster to my own body.
i got a really serious disorientation , physically, i don't know how to deliberate it.

my body over capacity to engage with my mind, i was demonstrated by my own body, is it weird??

i always took anything so easy , not to think to much about what happen around which actually something good, i mean not that "i don't really care about anything else" its just like, i can bare with any negative or problems around , even people's problem can be easy if they take a bit from my opinion. but actually that makes me some kind of , what to call, unhuman for some people.

do you think i don't really think of something hard, heavy thing inspite of the playing around not being serious act i have done in present days? i can not be predicted , of course i can't. but i tried to tell people by words, scramble words, act shit like i don't even want to remember, just to show around that please, dig inside of me by your self. i know its hard, but will somebody try? is it that hard to see the different side of me?

but unfortunately , i don't want anything happen for substitute. i don't need that yet. i still have my charm and i don't think it will be gone for long term condition.

yes, i do feel humanity for a while, i had dreams, which i don't really like to have, because in my dream i was talking and acting the same act in reality as i really awake but in a second away i would be awaken by sounds and realized it still was only a dream, i'm tired by this, its like i live in people's mind, people who actually were near me when i was asleep. it's like i live in their dream, i came in their dream, i talk to them by our mind, it is a dream, but still felt so weird when the dream nothing to be judge as a dream, nothing special, just random usual activity we did when we talk, when we mock around, when we share stories, when we loathing something, things like that.

my mind not over capacity, but this time i would say, i'm out of words, i'm out of space , to care for somebody else(thousands of them) except one