i don't exactly know what was happening today. it just felt like, i pass this day with lost of grievance , and actually i was the one who keep grieving. i felt lost, losing, it didn't go so well.

start with this morning, when i realize, my face is so ugly, i can't see any life in it, somehow it looked like im a living zombie, well, it was felt when i look deeply in the mirror.

second, i went to the class, just by the time i arrived, and i sat on the chair, i almost spent the lecturing hour with sleeping. gosh, i felt terrible, why did i always feel so much sleepy this recent days?

third, i made my self clear that i need to eat, because my body started to fight the way i reduce my daily meal, whats wrong with me anyway?

okay, this happened a lot before, and basically i don't intent to change this habit, yet.

and then things happened as i wasn't expected any of that, making me feel so much worse, i got this bad mood came in sudden and pull me out from the fun as i had the day before.

after that, i just felt tired with anything i saw, and anything i did just felt so weird and so wrong.

finally, this night, i was doing a little help for my friend , which end up making me even worse, it makes me sad, it complete the bad time i had for this day. i cried, i mad, i cursed a lot.

now, i need to sleep. since i don't have any support from the person i used to hoping to give, i must stand on my own as i had years before.

independence, i guess its the only thing would make me live.

night. big day tomorrow, i need to use all of my strength. hope it'll be useful