ticking so fast

its been a while since my last post. May was it ? gosh i've been lost of words for a few months. But anyway, there's a lot of changes since my dramatic unpleasant thing i wrote in the previous post. Maybe this time will do to tell what was that all about.

Yea, that time, May 2011, i got rejected by one of my crush. Actually, it was not a rejection. We were having a relationship, unfortunately, only for a day, then he broke up with me with some reason, which unacceptable for most people, but I did accept it gratefully, because if grieve about him, so unworthy to be cried on. He's such a childish but lovely person, so the hell with what happen, i was not taken granted for what he did, it was better that we did not having a relationship than being cheated if we force "us" to get along that time.

But yea, I was kinda desperately sad about that lost, just because I said I didn't want to be kind enough to forgive that easily, I was forced -by my self- not to meet, even think about the past person , whom not treating me that well as i expected. So I move on doing many things beside crying for nothing.

After that accident, something happen in my life. It changes the path that I imagined to have. A friend that used to be a place for me to throw away my sad stories became someone in time. I opened my eyes and i just realized something I had for a long time but didn't care to look about.

Yes. A person to stand with, share with, and ready to struggle with. No matter what I did or do, support will come and patient will do.

If I'm not miss count, almost 3 months for now I have this man, understanding every each things i've done, every words I say, every wishes I make, he make it good.

For now, i only may say thank you for this opportunity, I'm hoping i could do my best to give, and wishing for a good thing to happen.

Let's see how it last

The Sims Social Bot

The Sims Social Bot

something happened days ago , i don't want to talk about it because i really don't mend it.
anyways, what i was trying to tell is about what happen after i got struck by that thing. total disaster to my own body.
i got a really serious disorientation , physically, i don't know how to deliberate it.

my body over capacity to engage with my mind, i was demonstrated by my own body, is it weird??

i always took anything so easy , not to think to much about what happen around which actually something good, i mean not that "i don't really care about anything else" its just like, i can bare with any negative or problems around , even people's problem can be easy if they take a bit from my opinion. but actually that makes me some kind of , what to call, unhuman for some people.

do you think i don't really think of something hard, heavy thing inspite of the playing around not being serious act i have done in present days? i can not be predicted , of course i can't. but i tried to tell people by words, scramble words, act shit like i don't even want to remember, just to show around that please, dig inside of me by your self. i know its hard, but will somebody try? is it that hard to see the different side of me?

but unfortunately , i don't want anything happen for substitute. i don't need that yet. i still have my charm and i don't think it will be gone for long term condition.

yes, i do feel humanity for a while, i had dreams, which i don't really like to have, because in my dream i was talking and acting the same act in reality as i really awake but in a second away i would be awaken by sounds and realized it still was only a dream, i'm tired by this, its like i live in people's mind, people who actually were near me when i was asleep. it's like i live in their dream, i came in their dream, i talk to them by our mind, it is a dream, but still felt so weird when the dream nothing to be judge as a dream, nothing special, just random usual activity we did when we talk, when we mock around, when we share stories, when we loathing something, things like that.

my mind not over capacity, but this time i would say, i'm out of words, i'm out of space , to care for somebody else(thousands of them) except one

late night expose , kinda catchy when the picture or something unravel hope always come in infinite moment

amusement settled while this words cannot be healed by thoughts

the wall in front cannot be torn, waits like forever

why ? why this moment always attach like they wont go or erased or ... i don't know

hopes, they are all fake.

experience , they make you strong

lies, above all lies, they keep you strong

this sentences must come as soon as possible, will time let me achieve it?

hard sickness work

back from sickness nights (3 days 2 night) , i had high fever, 39.1 degrees really got me down but now i'm getting better.

last night i was so bored and because jason was sick too we haven't seen each other since monday, so i had a quite long chat with him.

what did we talk about? not much, nothing important, but then we talk about our job in this event we are going to have in our university on April 15th called MAKELU, it is an annual event that our campus had since ... hmm, i dont know when. we are one of the event organizer , actually my first aim was just helping jason of his too-much-excitement self doing his jobdesk as the head of event division, unfortunately now im busier than him, and he just, what... laugh ?? noo, i know he's grateful , but i wish he wont show that inappropriate act to make fun of me..

so later we talked about the guest star he had invited to this event and when i knew who they were, i felt like something missing, i realized that i was too drown by my own job desk and i didn't ask about other substance he is about to put. i didn't know about the flow, how the story will be. then he told me, this year is about trip.

what the .....

thats the only word that came to my mind. he is the only undercover person that actually mainstreamed i have ever known. *i dont know is this because i'm still eager to mad or what*

actually to get through this opinion i should have told you about other story but i dont think i should write it here anyway.

i told him i cannot follow his pattern, i have my opinion, we discussed this and that and finally he was out of word and gave me a quote from trainspotting movie

"You're not getting any younger, Mark. The world is changing, music is changing, even drugs are changing. You can't stay in here all day dreaming about heroin and Ziggy Pop."

well. he's right but still i do enjoy what he wants to serve, but do the others will?

we are not making this event for us, we are making this for THEM..

this is also have explanation that i cannot write here now.

i hope for the best, i hope what i worked so hard will be taken as something for anyone that will come on the day

amen

make it great!