i felt insecure to stay alive with no man to depend on. i used to, but not anymore.

i'm not a believer in relationship thingy, but i would like , somehow, to have one.

someone said something that i've already knew

"what are we looking for maybe not what are we needed for"

it is true

i don't know what i needed

i only see what i have figured in my mind.

and it is hard to take it off

re-seeing

well, this is about what i just saw from people i finally meet after months and years haven't reunited.

so, today i went out to meet Cynthia, my bestfriend that lives in Canada for her study. she was home for Christmas, New year, and her birthday in January.

first plan was we, mayu and friends, were going to her house like in the afternoon, but in the morning, she texted me and told me she's going to be out of her house doing stuffs and asked us to meet her up somewhere near where she went. i was free all day so i just waited her to request and pick the place.

hours went by, and finally she asked me out to PIM. i thought it was just going to be me and her time, but i found that Jovinto, and Jordy was already there. friends from the elementary and junior highschool. ow how much i miss'em.

also Brevi came , oh Alex did stop by and chatted for a bit , they were my bestfriends, to bad i can't keep my relation to them, my bad

and so on and on, we chat , laugh like a happy group talking shits and things, memorizing every event happened back there, talk about our life now and then, some talked about their serious relationship with their partners, man, i wonder i still have none, that was sad. haha

and actually, i had a kind of deal with one of them. it was a long story to tell, but yea, i was mean to him and, i never said i'm sorry for what i've done to him. it hurts to remember and thinking from his side of view. i was a bad person back then. ( and actually i did it several times)

so, it might be my karma

and from what i have seen, i realized. man, i wasted a lot of good guys.

i can see how they've become an attractive one, with their own girls, which if i'm not that bad, that cruel, i might be one of them. i might have that sweet lovers, hugging, loving and caring with that huge love they have. but unfortunately, i am what i am, i guess it wont work that well for me.

what makes me regret not having him as mine was, he was totally turning to my type.

he's tall

he's white

he plays instrument

he sings

he has a good style

he's Javanese

he's a long dark hair ( wavy one )

and he's a Catholic

but still. he was not what i need for

Good Lord, hand me one, please

and so, the time passed by, we have to say good night to each other

its a hard time to go when you feel a great time , while you have it like once in a month

well, we will meet eventually , in a short ways, it still a holiday thou

Happy holiday everyone, may you guys have a good memories in this holly jolly days

you,

you think of your self as the worst miserable person ever alive these days

you walk through the day with heavy thoughts and scream out loud with no one listening

you scream inside your heart.

you,

you were tired with all the things surrounding

you saw you listened you moved you stopped

you care and be cared of

but still you unsatisfied.

you,

you build a lot of armies companying every single move

they follow the order

they protect you

appear and disappear as you told them to go or to be there

still, you get even more crankier

you,

been loved by a thousand person

all you have to do is pick one and do one

still, you ask , why nobody likes me?

you,

you search for something good

you describe the exact personality

you picture the condition and situation

but you don't realize that she was there

you,

you have a lot of things to condemn

but you say yes with all of your big lovely smile

your heart stumped for a revolution

you,

the most lovable person i know alive

things get more cheesy as the time past by

they come and go to take you and separate you

i know, it's your life

you,

you just say something pleasant , flattering me high around

stupidly, i reject you by my words.

it's my biggest looser

I walked across an empty land
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand
I felt the earth beneath my feet
Sat by the river and it made me complete

Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

I came across a fallen tree
I felt the branches of it looking at me
Is this the place we used to love?
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?

Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

And if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?


Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

So if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
So why don't we go

This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?

-Keane

you learn that you will lose something that you thought it won't happen even thou many bad things happened.

but it did happen.

so all you can do just take it easily.

i won't grieve

it's just an experience.