how if you find out a secret that totally ruined your day, your heart, your life, but you are sure that it wasn't true, but you didn't know how to find it out. what would you do? what would you try to do ?

how if you feel like you know someone, you feel like you know her/him like a lifetime, even thou you only know her/him like only from yesterday, and you fall for her/him but you didn't sure how to show it because you took a wrong action from the first time. what would you do? how would you tell it?

how if the person you loved dump you because he/she so much care about you but you didn't look like you care and you just ruined your own image until you found out that they tired and even hated you but he/she didn't tell you about what he/she think or feel about your mistake? what would you do? will you apologize?

back to the first question, what if the person you loved had that torturing secret, but you found out from other person, and you absolutely didn't know how to find that out, but you are really really curious about the truth, will you ask straight to him/her, will you believe in anything he/she say?

there's too much question i had, and this is for a person that totally special in my daily life, for this present day.

why would human had this feeling? it is so f*cked up for my heart.

Hey there !

Hey guys, its been a long time for my absence updating my post. well, i was kinda busy with some stuff, actually i did plan to write about the Lebaran holiday we had (19-27 september) but i just lost my enthusiasm when i faced my lovely McBlake ( my laptop ).

so i guess i'll just catch up my missing stories , rite guys.

oia, i feel like to write again after i read this post from my cousin, it encourage me to write again. hehehe feel free to visit her here.

so, where do i have to start?

hmm

lets start from the beginning of the holiday.

i went back to Jakarta on 17th september because i had no class on Friday, after i finished Thursday class, i jumped and rushed back home with my friend.

so we arrived in Jakarta in the afternoon, but i stayed to company Ajeng until she had to catch up her parents somewhere i forgot. hehe

then i went back by TransJakarta, carrying heavy stuff, because i thought spending 1 week would need much stuff to spend with. it was too heavy that i hurt my arm because i kept carrying with my left hand, not switching even just a moment.

when i arrived, it was kinda late, so i only hug my mom, cause my dad's already sleeping.

lets skip till the day after, i spent the day doing nothing, but then i went to senayan city with boncel ( hmm was it the day after of what day , i forgot already ). yea anyway, i went with his brothers too. also i met jason there, he said he was only going to eat, and killing time so i company jason for a while.

okay. lets skip again till the day of my departure to Semarang.

Saturday, we went early in the morning. we used to left like 3 a.m but because we actually haven't done much preparation the day before, it was delayed like till 5 or 6 a.m then we went and hit the road.

it was still early in the morning that we thought we wont catch any traffic jam. but after we drove along , somewhere i dont know the name, the road was split and there were much of policeman redirecting our way, till we had to head off Cilenyi , ( was that the name? haha ) we actually may drove in Cikampek if we wait 1 hour later. yea, it wasn't our luck to go by there.

And because we went by Cilenyi , we were stuck in the the middle of nowhere for about more than 12hours. It was so much suck. the sun up high and it felt like we've been roasted by the heat. oh i hate that crowd.

lets skip again till we arrived in Semarang. we stayed at hotel horrison, and we did have a great lebaran celebration along with my mom's family, also we visited dad's family to the day after.

me and my sister had a great quick photo shoot in taman makam pahlawan, actually we did that every year, but this time, my sister really prepared for the photo shoot.

here's some of the photo

after that photo shoot session, i took a few pictures when we visited the (hmm i dont know how to write the name, hehe) as i remember it was named as san pok kong temple. i know, i must have wrongly remember the name. kakkaa

here's the picture

not much thing we did in Semarang, and after we went back to Jakarta, i also didn't spend much time to go hanging out with my old friends.

After I went back to Bandung, the routine started again, and there comes the boringness.

well, this is life i have chosen to have.

gotta do what i have to do.

see ya guys in other post

so much differences i felt inside my self when i got my self back to Bandung just in a few days ago.

Weird, Abstract, Absurd.

Changes, makes new things happened

mean while, an awkward feeling surrounding my self now when i saw the thing i thought as my favorite thing.

its happening

its terrifying

and if it is really happening, please, don't do it as i ever done before.

no more bad habit

let it be as i ask and wanted to be

don't want to lose it. seriously

poison!

hey there.

just lying around not because there's nothing to do, but just because your body cant afford to wake up and have a little activities, this killing me a lot.

i was just having a big experience, the one i would like to call near-dying experience.

so the story goes like this,

it was 3 am and i woke instantly by something wrong i felt just after i had this weird dream-well i don't exactly sure i was dreaming or not, it's just to absurd to remember.

then i tried to go back to sleep, i've closed my eyes, but then i felt so thirsty so i grabbed a bottle of water i've saved beside my bed, i drank it then i went back to sleep.

that water i drank, i can feel it in my throat. it didn't go down as i expected the way usually i drank it. i felt sick right at the moment, so i ran to the bathroom and i threw up. i grabbed a glass of water again, but then i felt even more sicker than before, so i went to my parent's room. i woke them up, then i joined them slept in their bed.

i felt something worse then ever, my stomach ills so bad, i can even heard the grumbling in it, and i started to puck, again again and again.

i don't even remember how it went so long, i just remember how nice bathroom floor was, i slept on it. how nice to hug the toilet as if i don't want to be drag far from it.

i screamed, cried, puck, all over again, i can't sleep even thou i felt like passed out somehow, i remember all the pain. pff

finally i just can't stand it, i asked to be brought to the hospital, and so then i they brought me to RS Gandaria, i was checked, and injected as i count like 9 injection, and i felt peace , finally.

still can't open my eyes, but i can breath easily since there.

straight back home, i just fell to sleep, till i woke almost night, i ate a little porridge and had my medicines, then i fell over to sleep again.

now i'm awake, i feel so much freshened , i wish i can do a lot more activity but everytime i do a lot movement, it just make me sick. so i just lay down since morning, grab a book, i wish i can have some chat, but unfortunately my messenger error somehow, hffff

these holiday i have for about 2 months, i spent it almost with pain and sickness, i wonder why was that -_-

allergic, poisoned by drugs, poisoned by food, what else ? thank God it almost over ( i wish )

well, as i said before, don't play with anykind of drugs , medicine, or even ordinary food, keep your good health and you'll do fine

i guess i'm going back to sleep now :( Tschüss

project that failed

24 JUNE 2009

it was a photosession project i made for my friend, Ratna, which turned to be failed.

my goal was, i wanted to make Ratna "girly" because she's just to handsome in other way. hahaha

i've tried to make-over her face, it was like i've changed her makeup all over again just to find the right match to show her beauty face. i thought i had, but when i started the photoshoot, turns out the make up made her even more handsome, hahaha

well, i guess there was nothing i can do to change her look.

this are some of the photos

She's handsome, right guys? hahaha