so much differences i felt inside my self when i got my self back to Bandung just in a few days ago.

Weird, Abstract, Absurd.

Changes, makes new things happened

mean while, an awkward feeling surrounding my self now when i saw the thing i thought as my favorite thing.

its happening

its terrifying

and if it is really happening, please, don't do it as i ever done before.

no more bad habit

let it be as i ask and wanted to be

don't want to lose it. seriously

poison!

hey there.

just lying around not because there's nothing to do, but just because your body cant afford to wake up and have a little activities, this killing me a lot.

i was just having a big experience, the one i would like to call near-dying experience.

so the story goes like this,

it was 3 am and i woke instantly by something wrong i felt just after i had this weird dream-well i don't exactly sure i was dreaming or not, it's just to absurd to remember.

then i tried to go back to sleep, i've closed my eyes, but then i felt so thirsty so i grabbed a bottle of water i've saved beside my bed, i drank it then i went back to sleep.

that water i drank, i can feel it in my throat. it didn't go down as i expected the way usually i drank it. i felt sick right at the moment, so i ran to the bathroom and i threw up. i grabbed a glass of water again, but then i felt even more sicker than before, so i went to my parent's room. i woke them up, then i joined them slept in their bed.

i felt something worse then ever, my stomach ills so bad, i can even heard the grumbling in it, and i started to puck, again again and again.

i don't even remember how it went so long, i just remember how nice bathroom floor was, i slept on it. how nice to hug the toilet as if i don't want to be drag far from it.

i screamed, cried, puck, all over again, i can't sleep even thou i felt like passed out somehow, i remember all the pain. pff

finally i just can't stand it, i asked to be brought to the hospital, and so then i they brought me to RS Gandaria, i was checked, and injected as i count like 9 injection, and i felt peace , finally.

still can't open my eyes, but i can breath easily since there.

straight back home, i just fell to sleep, till i woke almost night, i ate a little porridge and had my medicines, then i fell over to sleep again.

now i'm awake, i feel so much freshened , i wish i can do a lot more activity but everytime i do a lot movement, it just make me sick. so i just lay down since morning, grab a book, i wish i can have some chat, but unfortunately my messenger error somehow, hffff

these holiday i have for about 2 months, i spent it almost with pain and sickness, i wonder why was that -_-

allergic, poisoned by drugs, poisoned by food, what else ? thank God it almost over ( i wish )

well, as i said before, don't play with anykind of drugs , medicine, or even ordinary food, keep your good health and you'll do fine

i guess i'm going back to sleep now :( Tschüss

project that failed

24 JUNE 2009

it was a photosession project i made for my friend, Ratna, which turned to be failed.

my goal was, i wanted to make Ratna "girly" because she's just to handsome in other way. hahaha

i've tried to make-over her face, it was like i've changed her makeup all over again just to find the right match to show her beauty face. i thought i had, but when i started the photoshoot, turns out the make up made her even more handsome, hahaha

well, i guess there was nothing i can do to change her look.

this are some of the photos

She's handsome, right guys? hahaha

killing time :(

it has been about 6 days since i stuck at home,apparently being alone oftenly, because I'm so sick of my allergic thingy ( i started to feel tired about this sickness ).

My routine such as, i wake every 9 a.m , eat my breakfast, drink my meds, wait till everybody left the house, and start being bored all the time.

i started to dig out old stuff, dvds, books, and else. and i found this dvds, TV series, GhostWhisperer, have you guys seen it?

at first, the first, and second seasons are average for me, but it helps me kill this boring time, so i stayed watching each episodes. when it hits the third season, it much more interesting because it's not just about those ghost thingy, it became so intense with the love, life , and family. i started to love watching melinda gordon with her action, i love to see how she work things out and she had her husband supported her very much.

and, what makes me so damnly embarrassed was, in the fourth season, i cried like hell when they were about to have this having baby plan, her husband jim, got shot and killed, the scene were really touches me so damn bad. i did cried like a baby.

it was really rare to see me cry because of a movie. but i dont know, its just seeing their love bound them very tight , makes me envy them so much ( i know, i'm being hypocrite because this is just a movie ). but i think , love like that would have been so much beautiful when you have your partner's trusted you deeply, and you just cant help falling for it's comfortable love, they barely fighting.

and how the husband's ghost tried to stay earth bound to be with his wife , forever, he picked another body and stayed to life much longer, even thou he had seen the light (the path to other lifes). he chose to stay. how lovely it is.

well, i havent finished watch the whole episodes, i just cant held my tears not to fall fiercely.

i guess i have to find out how it'll end.

this is just a junk post anyway. killing time, as it appeared as it's title :D

turned to be 19 !

Hey there, finally i can write my birthday story. fufufu

So here it goes, started on 14th July ,, hm no no, started on 13th, it was Monday, i stroll along the freeway to Bandung , first task was to attend this kind of meeting that held by the Internal-member to talk about Gintre 2009's progress.

So i arrived around 1-2 pm, and i got to my new "so-called home" , i cleaned my room, prepared for the meeting, and attended it.

After that, i met Cassey, who has arrived night before with Jason, mmm i kinda forgot what i was doing that day, as i remember i just can't wait the day to change to be 14th July, because i was getting my 1st TATTOO!!

Yes, Tattoo, that was my own birthday present..

o yes i remember , that night (13th) me and my Mafioso family having this arisan, which we had delayed for about 2 times, so i called the members who was available in Bandung to come to Kobel, and we have some fun, i did win the June row. Haha :D

That night, i feel like i want to go sleep as soon as possible, but the nerves just got me 100% awake and just stared at the celling till , i don't know what time, till finally i fell asleep.

and i really woke too early on the 14th. hihihi

you guys know how did it feels, just like you're going to the 1st day of school, so much excitement, yea, kinda bit like that.hihi

14th July, we were heading to Kimik's place (the tattoo artist) somewhere in Cisitu lama -Bandung.

I talked and showed him my hand drawing - a Symbol that symbolized my religion, my family that always watch my back (thats why i put it on my back).

It's a very simple drawing, i wished Kimik would improvised it. Actually he didn't put much different from the basic drawing.

But it turns out to be a very cool tattoo anyway. I love the eye, so realistic :D

You must know this, it was not as i thought how it hurt it will be, the first touch of that i don't know alat apa itu namanya, jarum nya yg segede bagong itu lah, hahaha.

1st touch, kaget , geli, and still , cool lah.

2nd, 3rd, 4th, i just can say , "O MY GOD".

Haha

It hurts like hell (well, i'm way to hyper). No, it's not that hurt.

But, hey, no pain, no gain, wasn't it. hihi

I can't talk even thou Cassey and Jason tried to distract me from the pain, well, its impossible not to feel if anypart of your body being hurt, right?

After 1 hour struggle with the pain, finally, it's done! haha

And look at it, i'm so proud to have this on my back.

This symbol means; 4 wings as my family: my dad, my mom, Mba upie and Ichyl, always lift me up whenever i feel low or down ( i wish it's true, somehow, ichyl oftenly makes me down).

And the cross, means my religion, and the eye means they will watch over my back all the time.

After that, we went to Eji's place, which near Kimik's, we had a little chat, we ate together, than we back to our place. I tried to get some rest, but it's still hurt enough, i just stayed awake, and started to lose my energy somehow.

It was my party night.

My sisters and bestfriends already got there to celebrate it.

Kobel friends, ordered to celebrate it with JackDaniel and get wasted somehow, i wanted it, so then i bought it.

Because there were Mba Upie, Mba Icha,Bone, Kota, Athe, Jason and Cassey too, they also buy some vodka and other drinks.

Even thou that night wasn't a big party, but i did have a lot of fun, gathered with new friends and old friends , best friend and siblings, yea, there was no mom and dad, but their prayer still companying my night.

So much fun. Thank you guys if you wished something for my best. haha that's a good gift too thou

these are some photos taken by, i dont know. hehe

Jeger ya

Mill, muka jelek bukan salah gw! haha

I love you guys so much!

Sebenernya berharap yang laen bisa pada ikut, tapiiiiii... yaaaah ini uda lewat tengah malem, apa boleh dikata, pasti juga pada ga bisa dateng, jadi yang merayakan ya anak kontrakan aja fufufu

Kado nya memang ga terlalu banyak, tapi dengan berkumpul, itu udah hadiah buat gw :D ehhehe

Setelah itu, on Thursday, my sisters went home, and i stayed because i want to company Jason and Cassey to get their 2nd Tattoo.

Here are the pictures

Cassey's tattoo is her father's face

Jason's is a background for his 1st tattoo (griffin)

Nice, rite?

After Bandung-ing, i celebrate my birthday with my family, we just had dinner at KFC Blok M, unusual place as a family place, tapi yaa, jarang-jarang kan, cool banget deh.

OIA, just after i got home from Bandung, i confess my tattoo to my parents and they were cool with it.

I love you mom, dad. haha

It's healing now, and it's very itchy!

Can't wait to show it to everyone! hahaha

kidding, i just want to keep it for my self, thats why i made it hidden.

somehow, i can't wait to make my 2nd tattoo! hahaha

Need to save more money for it