hard time to think about :(

Finally I have time to write a post again. These weeks had past unconditionally weird. There was to much things to be done, i did multitask that absolutely makes me exhausted.

Well actually those kind of assignment , and work didn't make to much worries.

What made my day felt heavy was i always thinking about friendship, relationship, and some of the kind that actually not necessary to be thought these day.

It always distract me anyway.

First of all , i want to tell you about a boy named Jo. 

I don't know how i can get to this feeling when i didn't know him at all.

It started out as a feeling i had from the very fist day i went to Unpar.

He was one of the mentors that lead on spot D, my spot.

He was charming, handsome, and attractive, and i know for sure, he is popular.

I don't know his name, till few weeks later, someone introduced me to him. Man, that was like a heavenly time, i never thought that i would have a chance to get know him.

Anyway, next important thing is, when i was in jakarta, i went to church, and i saw him in the church. It felt like a thousand birds singing and ringing inside me. We're in the same religion. Ow, i'm in love with him.

16 April, it was his birthday. The day before it,  I planned to greet him, but i don't know how.

But suddenly I don't know how, he greet me first. I'm flattered for real.

So I was courage to greet him by Facebook.

And he replied my wall. I'm happy.

But overall, i know i can't hope to much because i know we are in a different part of society.

I may only can see him from a far. At least i know that he know me :D

people's point of view ( about ? )

I actually don't know how to write this down, but i really do curious about people's view about love.

I know the love thing may defined by thousands words depends on people's thought. So then i became more and more curious.

In my point of view, love is something you have, you own, when you have someone that definitely really "IN" to your self.

How am i describe the "in" thing ? hmmm lets see.

*

Basically, by theories, human always needed someone. In reality, human really do searching for someone to company them, either friends, best friends, boy/girl friends, even husband/wife.

Let's make this simpler.

*

People's needs are different, but they have one point of goal, companion.

I may see how girls talk about "o he's so handsome.." "he's so cute" "i want to be his" and else, this is based on what i feel too. Hehehe :D What i want to write down is all based on my opinion, my point of view, which i may say, the 1000 points of view, my ideologic, and the reasons why I'm so difficult to find a boyfriend.

*

I never describe love as a static things, it always be a dynamic feeling people have. Love is an abstract feeling. *I cannot describe about this feeling. Somehow when people talks about how they love someone, i could just say that they just care or interest on the person they talk about.

How come a person may say "i love him/her" when they just about knowing each other in hmm 1 or 2 weeks or even only count of days?

How come he/she knows that its a real feelings she/he has when they even barely know the person they interest on.

*

Here's a simple example that i thought very pity.

Once i know about this girl. She has an attractive personality, but in mean while she also has a very pessimistic personality inside her.

She's in love with someone that actually close enough to her.

Why can she just tell him that she like him, i know the guy will give a good reaction indeed.

She's just keep telling other people about her feelings without thinking about what will she does to maintain or even taking a progress to her approach.

She keeps willing and longing. But nothing.

I'm afraid if someone getting closer to the guy and the guy seems to attached to the new girl , she'll lose the guy in a matter of second. Then she'll cry like a baby for days. But that wont change a thing.

Well, i guess its all her matter anyway.

*

I found out another theory of my self. I may be in love with someone who i've been around like everyday for about a year or less. Means i may love someone who i know inside and out. I know every single story , every dark hours , all the sadness and the joyful he shared with me.

Somehow i just feel like if you want to know me well, i must know about the person first.

I just dont want to be care of if i dont feel comfort with the person.

I just want to care about the person without being disturb by what should they do to me. Let me just give and take nothing.

Normally i would realize if i had fall when i don't see him around a week and i feel a big lost somehow. That's a sign that he's the most important person that i have.

Or there may some other reason , the thing is, i need to see the person.

*

But anyways. It's only a theory, it may change by the time i found something else..

It's just so much fun knowing love condition by searching and looking at people's relationship.

I may learn to prevent bad things happening to me because of those love thingy.

Actually, many people still remind me to not fall in the same trap each time i say "i like this guy"

haha

pity me.

Well, this is the 1st part i would like to publish. Maybe some other i will write about another theory of mine. 

Tschüss

a conclusion

Today i woke up with a heavy dizzy growling in my head.

i was sick. I'm not in a good mood, our last night chat was really bad, i dont even remember what did i say. I've started some conversation with him and today i need to get it finished.

So there i was. I got to the class, i was trying to put attention to the lecture but i just cant get my mind concentrate.

I don't have the guts to say anything. But this is what i want to have, not having any relationship, just for now. Maybe not with this guy.

So then the class dismissed early, i went to see him. He wasn't anywhere. I didn't want to call him, nor text him. So i wait a little bit more. But then, finally i texted him.

And he came.

First of all, i just didn't know yet what am i suppose to say. Every word that i've thought clearly just vanished in a second.

But then i tried to start the conversation.

I tried to explain everything that i have in my mind. And he understand every word.

That was quite startled me when i know that he has the same thought as i did. ( i wonder does he said that because he just want me to be relief)

But anyway, this is the best for us, so we broke up. But we know , we'll be a better friend just now on.

Thank God, i really did relief.

its my day

im editting my last post;

"26 January 2009 or 27 January 2009"

he asked me to have a relationship

i said yes

so there i am

having a new experience in relation

would it be last?

no one will know

i called 26th is the date

hmm

am i happy ?

26/1/09 PALASARI trip

Hari ini, 26 Januari 2009, hari dimana orang-orang tiong hoa merayakan GONG XI FAK COI, dimana orang-orang bersuka cita dan berlibur bersama keluarganya karena ada 3 hari libur (sabtu, minggu, senin), gw stay di Bandung karena alesan tertentu.

Dikarenakan perkuliahan semester 2 baru saja dimulai, gw ngajak Atha Purba, seorang senior 2006 di kampus fisip tercinta, khususnya hubungan Internasional, untuk mencari buku-buku referensi di sebuah bilangan daerah yang terkenal dengan buku-bukunya "PALASARI".

Hari ini dimulai dengan pagi yang sejuk. Gw terbangun di pukul 7 nan mendung, terbangun dengan rasa lapar, karena malam sebelumnya gw gak makan apa-apa. Terbangun lah gw dengan perut kerontang, and i realized, i still save some bread from last night, so i ate it.

Satisfied my hunger, mulai lah gw membuka laptop tercinta ku dearest MacBlake Boyd.

I open this and that, hunting anything that pop into my head. FB including , of course. Abis itu, i spent the few hours before i realized i became very hungry with playing the Sims 2. Quite excited actually.

And then, i got bored, so i played and practicing violin, when i didn't realized Atha called me, became a miscall actually. Then she called me again, and told me that she was hungry. Good for me thou, cos i did hungry as well. So i took a shower, and get off sooner as she called. We ate, have a little chit and chat. Then we started to think how do we gonna get to Palasari, cos none of us know how to get there. And i remember Jason once have gone there, so i took a chance to ask him how. We got to his indakos, we met him with several friends from his indakos, and asked him what do we have to take to get to palasari, and all we get is a empty direction. So we took of undirected. Atha called some of her friends still trying to get the information, then finally we do have some info. We need to get to Jalan Riau incase to get to palasari. So we took the first angkot we met. Then we realized we were on the wrong angkot. HAHA, so we took off and change angkot. So then we roll over the road, changing to few angkot. Then we realized, maybe we were on the wrong way, because we felt its just gets to long.

Ganti angkot ke 3 bikin deg-degan banget. Tapi kita ketemu ama bapak-bapak yang bersedia nunjukin arah menuju daerah yang kita tuju, kita di suggest kan untuk naek angkot berwarna merah instead of angkot berwarna biru ato hijau.

Perjalanan yang amat sangat lama, kita ngelewatin REL KERETA API dimana saat kita nyampe, plang nya nutup dan bunyi bel peringatan nyala, TAPI si supir angkot gila itu NEKAD jalan terus. FEWH, thats the biggest fear i have this early month.. 

Ditengah perjalanan, ada ibu-ibu tua membawa belanjaan, yang masuk dengan grasak grusuk, dan DIA NDUDUKIN gw, bzzz.. dasar ibu tua.

Dan mana lagi, si ibu-ibu ini berisiknya ya ampuunn.. She keep asking why the day was so cloudy, and i was just realized because of her, ternyata tadi siang ada Gerhana Matahari, eventhou gw gak menyaksikan.

hahaha

Setelah menjalani lika liku kemacetan, kita berdua baru sadar, ternyata kita salah ambil angkot, angkot yang merah ini ternyata muter-muter dan GAK nglewatin Palasari.

Jadi akhirnya di depan BSM, kita ganti angkot dan, finally, we arrived at palasari. Fiuhh

And then we buy some books. Not much, ternyata banyak buku tua yang uda ga ada lagi dikarenakan kebakaran palasari semester sebelumnya. Hmm hmm i wonder where should i find those old books.

And then we went home. Lama banget sampai akhirnya tinggal gw berdua sama ata di dalem angkot tersebut. And when we ask the driver, pak, ini lewat universitas Langlang buana ga ya, dan si supir dengan suara amat halus, wah neng uda kelewatan. Cekak cekikik lah gw dan Atha, Lalu tiba-tiba si supir menengok (MASIH NYETIR) neng bukan orang bandung ya? Neng BATAK? ( ke ATHA)

dan guess what, si supir hampir nabrak 2 penyebrang jalan. ahahaha BEGOK

Finally kita sampai di gandok, gw dan atha beli Martabak manis dulu, i bought some for Jason, because i promised him i would bring some for him.

Sampai lah gw di kosan Jadot, kita makan-makan bersama. Ketawa cekakak cekikik, dan lain lain. And sampai lah di saat ini, disaat gw mengetik blog ini. 10:51 pm, its time for BED. hehee

Thanks to anyone who read this. 

Good night , and have a good rest.

See you soon.